Don’t just survive. Thrive and feel alive after putting your life back together.
Not so long ago, I was crushed under the weight of my life circumstances. Circumstances that I had created, and had to take ownership for. It was a dark time, and I had to call on every ounce of my soul and mental fortitude to get me out from under that rock. There were a lot of sleepless nights, and days of dragging myself through the motions just to get back to the next dark night of facing my demons and dragons once again. It took me a long time to get out of that dark place. And I had to fearlessly face a lot of things about myself to do it.
Gradually there were more better days than bad ones. But I still had a lot of work to do. I found myself wanting to let off the gas a little, not wanting to do the fearless soul searching that got me out from under the weight of the rock.
The sun was shining, I could smile when needed to again. I had gone from -10 back to 0. The nagging impulse to let myself slide into the familiar distractions from my inner dialogue were incessant. But 0 was no longer a comfortable place for me. I no longer live every moment feeling like a complete and utter failure. There was a sense of hope that I could make it in the world again. But I knew that if I let my guard down, my familiar discontent would demand to be silenced by the usual mindless social media scrolling, validation seeking flirtatious communications, and the flurry of unfulfilling dating . Which is the equivalent of turning the radio up to not hear the engine problem in the truck.
The thing is, I hadn’t crawled out from under the rock to sit on the rock. I came out to live life to it’s fullest. Too have richer more full filling relationships, to find meaning in life and realize my potential. I crawled out to live life with passion and purpose again.
That meant, the relentless disciplines of staying mindful, taking complete ownership of my life, staying connected and honest with myself and everyone else, staying grateful for what I have, and celebrating the small victories over my old way of thinking. But also respectfully calling myself out on my bullshit whenever necessary without hating on myself. Embracing every part of my masculine side that I had learned to stuff away over the last few years. Both my light AND my dark side, they are both me. One example of this was trying to hide my anger until it came out in overly destructive ways. The truth is, Anger is something that can exist in me as comfortably as love or happiness. And that’s ok, its not a “Toxic Trait”. Even Jesus got pissed off and knocked over a few tables and ran off a few customers at the temple. He didn’t go home and shame himself. I don’t have to hide my frustration and anger until it comes out sideways or eats me up from the inside. I can own it, and own the results. Sometimes its justified, and sometimes I have to apologize, and that’s ok too.
Today I am acutely aware of the way I talk or think about myself, I can’t un-ring that bell, I can’t rise to the level I want to live, if I can’t respect myself enough to be supportive and encouraging.
I have no desire to live a life of “quiet desperation.” I want to feel alive every day with passion and purpose. So every day, I have to get off the rock.
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